there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize