why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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