I need help removing her.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
