yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
