Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
