Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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