you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
