I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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