Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
