my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
