Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
