Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
