dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
