I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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