I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
