history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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