I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
