fuck your aforementioned shoe
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
