you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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