Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
