Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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