woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize