A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize