If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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