My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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