He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The adults are the big ones right?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
