I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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