Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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