apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
