I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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