Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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