If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
