This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize