This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Randomize
