what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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