we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
