just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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