We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize