You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Be still, my beating vagina.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
