and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize