Hey man sorry I got all grabby
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
