my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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