he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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