On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
