I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
