But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
