Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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