she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
