in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
