Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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