sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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