dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Congratulations! We have a period
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