ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I wish I only lived at night.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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