I'm drive I can fine osifer
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
