ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
