i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
