well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize