I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
