So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
