Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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