dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
