New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
me + whiskey = a bad person
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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