Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
