new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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