thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
