so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
