just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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