I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
